


Ours Would Be A Good Life

by to_a_nightingale



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Deserved Better, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), FUCK endgame, Fix-It, M/M, Not Beta Read, Peggy Carter Absolutely Deserved Better, Steve Rogers deserved better, also this is my first fic in so long don't judge me, and i'm bitter about it, because they did my favs dirty, but let me live my heart has been broken and my babies have been disrespected, jk endgame was great minus the last five minutes, the spite brought me back, there are so many fics with this exact storyline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-08 12:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18894943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/to_a_nightingale/pseuds/to_a_nightingale
Summary: Bucky Barnes is many things.He's a hundred-something years old. He's a WWII veteran. He was the world's deadliest assassin. He's been tortured, beaten, broken down and put back together again.He's absolutely about to cry in front of the Hulk, Captain America, and Sam fucking Wilson (who would never ever let him live it down).(This was previously "not the end of the line", because I rushed it.)





	Ours Would Be A Good Life

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Good Wife by MIKA, because I love using lyrics as titles, and that song makes me hurt inside every time I listen to it.

Bucky Barnes is many things.

 

He's a hundred-something years old. He's a WWII veteran. He _was_  the world's deadliest assassin. He's been tortured, beaten, broken down and put back together again.

 

He's absolutely about to cry in front of the Hulk, Captain America, and Sam fucking Wilson (who would never  _ever_ let him live it down). 

 

He can't breathe. His hands are stuffed into his jacket pocket, tensed, fingernails diggings harshly into his palm.

 

His eyes try to trace every line of Steve's body as he stands on that platform, try to memorise every bit of him.

 

He has to. 

 

He'll never get the chance again. 

 

Bucky's not an idiot. He knows Steve Rogers better than he knows himself these days. 

 

So he knows he's not coming back. 

 

Steve said it himself this morning.

*** * ***

They were laying on the grass, stretched out in the early morning sun. They weren't really talking, they didn't need to. So much had happened, so much had been lost. It had been  _so long_. They didn't need to fill up the silence between them. They let it sit, filling the air with a comfortable familiarity. Bucky had shut his eyes, letting the sunlight dance behind his eyelids. He truly didn't think he would ever get this, a moment's silence with Steve. No battles, no looming missions. Just them and the grass and the sun and the birds. 

 

"I saw her." Steve's voice cut through the quiet. "When I went back." 

 

Bucky didn't need clarification. He opened his eyes, pushed himself up to a sitting position and looked down at Steve's face. The sunlight bent around his features, making his hair glow and his eyes sparkle. He was beautiful. He always had been. 

 

"She...  _God,_ Buck." Steve's features were soft, warm, a small smile lighting up his face. "She looked amazing." 

 

Bucky allowed himself a small smile. He liked Carter. He really did. Sure, sometimes looking at her made sharp jealously stab through his stomach, and sure, he always felt cold and sick to the gut when Steve and Peggy talked, but even he couldn't ignore the fact that Peggy Carter was an amazing woman. Bucky was happy for her, that she had lived a good life and done the things he knew she was capable of. 

 

"Seeing her there... it reminded me. How much I missed her." Steve's gaze wasn't on Bucky. He was tracing the fluffy white clouds above them with a faraway look in his eyes. 

 

Bucky's throat felt tight. He knew what was coming, suspected it from the moment Steve volunteered to bring the stones back. 

 

He had just hoped so, so desperately, that he was wrong. 

 

Steve sat up. "It really got me thinking. That and something Tony said. About getting a life." 

 

_Fuck. Please don't. Please don't say it._

 

"I think I might retire. After." After the funeral, after the time machine, after the stones. Bucky dug his fingers into the soft earth under him, trying to release his emotions in a way that wouldn't result in him having a full-blown sobbing session into the love of his life's shirt. 

 

"If anyone deserves it, it's you Stevie." Bucky forced his eyes to meet Steve's. "It's only fair after a hundred or so years of saving the world." 

 

 

"Yeah." Steve exhaled. "I'm looking forward to it, Buck. Resting. Not having to worry about aliens or smugglers or HYDRA agents." He turned away to look across the tree-line. Bucky felt sick to his stomach. There was nothing more in the universe that he wanted more than that. Steve Rogers, finally getting a goddamn break. Bucky just wished Steve wanted him there too. 

 

"Maybe even..." Steve focused on Bucky again, blue eyes pinning him in place. The air suddenly felt thicker, full of pressure, like it always did when Steve looked at him. Bucky's pulse start to beat a little faster under the intensity of that gaze. Steve cleared his throat.

 

"Maybe even settling down. Yunno, get a dog. House. Live out the rest of my days with the love of my life."  _Now_ Bucky felt sick. For a moment, with the meaningful look and the heavy tone of voice, Bucky could almost imagine that Steve meant him. But he didn't. Of course he didn't. 

 

"Yeah. Yeah, I think that sounds perfect for you." Bucky took a breathe, forced a smile, and finally broke the staring contest they'd been having. If he looked in Steve's eyes any longer he'd start crying for sure. 

 

"You don't. Think it's... selfish?" Steve sounded unsure, like he was asking for Bucky's approval. Bucky desperately wanted to say  _yes, it is, stay with me instead. I know I'm not the love of your life but I can try so, so hard to make you happy. Please. Let me try._

 

But he wouldn't. If there's anything Bucky Barnes is good at, it's pushing down his feelings for one Steven Grant Rogers.

 

"Pal, even if it _was_ selfish I'd tell you to do it." Bucky forced a laugh. "There's no one on this planet who's earned it as much as you." 

 

Steve smiled at him. "Thanks, Buck." 

 

In the following silence, just them sitting in the sun and watching birds from afar, Bucky felt choked. Stifled. He could feel a lump in his throat build up, feel the back of his eyes beginning to sting. 

 

_Please don't go._

 

For a second, Bucky thought he would say something stupid. Like "I love you" or "Stay with me forever" or "Why does the God of Thunder have a beer belly I thought he was a god don't they have different bodies from us". 

 

Before he could open his big dumb mouth, he was interrupted by another voice.

 

"Cap! Frosty!" Sam called from the bottom of their hill. He was dressed in all black, a solemn look on his face. "It's time." 

*** * ***

At the funeral, Bucky tried to keep a distance from Steve. Tony wasn't his to mourn, no matter how guilty he felt or how much he wished he could've said  _I'm sorry._ Steve didn't need him up there anyway, up at the front. He was doing ok without Bucky. Had been for more than five years. 

 

Still, Bucky couldn't ignore the grief pushing around in his stomach. Tony Stark seemed like a good man, and it was all Bucky's fault anyway. He didn't deserve it, but he wished he could've at least tried to make amends. Sam seemed to notice the thoughts whirling in his brain, and squeezed his shoulder gently. 

*** * ***

After the funeral was over, and most people had left, Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Bruce (Hulk?) all walked down to the machine. 

 

Time travel. Bucky wanted to take a nap. 

 

Bucky watched as Steve listened to Bruce's instructions on coming back. 

 

_Steve doesn't need to worry about that._

 

When the machine was powered up and ready to go, Steve clapped Sam on the back, saying goodbye.  _Sam doesn't know this is the last time he'll see him._

 

When Steve walked towards Bucky, it felt as if every cell in Bucky's body was pulling him towards his best friend, begging him to not let him go,  _ask him to stay with you._

 

_He's not mine. He never has been, even if I've always been his._

 

"Don't do anything stupid 'til I get back." Steve was in front of him now, talking quietly enough for Bruce and Sam to not hear. Bucky stifled a sob and instead threw out a hollow chuckle. 

 

He knew his lines. 

 

"How can I?" Bucky smiled at Steve, feeling like he would break any second. "You're taking all the stupid with you." 

 

Steve laughed and pulled Bucky in for a hug. So what if Bucky held tighter than usual, let it go on longer than it normally would? 

 

"I'm gonna miss you, buddy." Bucky pulled back from Steve. Steve met him with a slightly confused look, a raised eyebrow and quizzical eyes.  _Of course I'm gonna miss you. I can't breathe without you. You're everything to me._

 

"It's gonna be alright, Bucky." Steve patted his shoulder one last time and moved towards the platform. 

 

That's where they are now, Bucky watching as Steve leaves for the last time. 

 

They've lost each other more times than they should've. Lost so much time together. Bucky should be used to it by now, used to the heart wrenching feeling of losing Steve. He's not, though. This time it feels almost worst, because Steve is choosing to leave.  _He doesn't want to be here, not with you. He doesn't need you._

 

Bruce flicks a switch and Steve vanishes in a flash of light. As soon as he does, Bucky turns around to head back to the house. He doesn't know where he'll go. Back to Wakanda maybe? He did love it there. It wasn't home though. His home just left in a time machine to live out the rest of his days in the 1950's. 

 

"Five..." 

 

_Steve doesn't need you, doesn't want you._

 

"Four..." 

 

_You're not enough for him._

 

"Three..." 

 

_You're damaged, broken. Corrupted. He's all gold light and warm smiles. How could you think you're good enough for him?_

 

"Two..." 

 

_You deserve to be alone._

 

"One..." 

 

Bucky's a good hundred meters away from the machine at this point. 

 

_You're not enough to make him stay._

 

"Bruce." Bucky can hear Sam's panicked voice as Steve misses the mark. He can hear them argue, panic. 

 

It's silenced by loud noises and a flash of light that Bucky can see lighting up the forest floor under his feet. He stops still, barely breathing, trying not to let hope take over him.

 

"Sorry! Sorry." Steve's familiar voice makes Bucky spin around to face the platform again. He can see the relief on Sam and Bruce's faces, but he ignores them. 

 

Steve's standing there, looking almost exactly like he left, but his suit has a few more scuff marks and his hair seems to have been trimmed. 

 

"There was a problem with the last particle. For a second I thought I'd be stuck in a time when only straight, white men had rights." Steve steps off the platform and Sam laughs. 

 

"Scared us for a minute, Cap." 

 

Steve finally turns to look for Bucky. When he sees him standing further away with a shell shocked look on his face, he frowns. Bruce and Sam are talking around them but for a moment Steve and Bucky just look at each other. 

 

Steve puts down the brown bag he was carrying with him and moves towards Bucky. Bucky hasn't dared blink, in case Steve vanishes again. Steve walks until there's almost no space between them. 

 

"Buck? You ok?" Steve reaches out and brushes Bucky's forearm with a gloved hand. 

 

"You're here." Bucky breathes. Steve tilts his head to the side, still frowning. 

 

"Of course I am. Where else would I be?" Bucky shakes his head, finally closing his eyes for a second before snapping them back open. Steve is still there, still standing in front of him and waiting for Bucky to speak. 

 

"I thought... Peggy?" 

 

Steve's frown deepens. 

 

"What about her?" 

 

" _Steve._  Don't give me that." Bucky shifts on his feet. "You said you saw her." 

 

"Well yeah. I saw her, in her office at SHIELD, with a fat wedding ring and proud photos of her children on her desk." Steve's frown loosens as he speaks.

 

"Peggy had kids?" Bucky asks. "Peggy was  _married_?" 

 

"Bucky, what does me being back have to do with Peggy?" 

 

Bucky shifts again. "You said you wanted to retire. Settle down." 

 

There's an awkward pause as Bucky watches Steve put it together. 

 

"Oh.  _Oh._ " Bucky moves his eyes to the ground and keeps them firmly trained on the leaf squashed under his boot. "I didn't mean  _that._ Did... did you really think I would leave?" 

 

Bucky feels, not for the first time that day, tears heating up behind his eyes. When he speaks, his voice is a little gruffer. 

 

"Well, yeah." 

 

"Bucky." Steve nudges his vibranium arm. Bucky refuses to meet his gaze. " _Bucky_." Steve repeats, firmer this time. Bucky huff a short breath and looks up. Steve looks a little nervous, a little worried, and very confused. It's a weird mix of emotions to try and decipher on someone's face. 

 

"Bucky, I won't deny I went to see Peggy." Bucky feels his guts churn a little.  _If you saw her, why are you here with me? I can't make you happy, not like she can._

 

"And?" 

 

"And we danced. I figured I could, like you said, be selfish for once. I only stayed a couple of days. Met her husband, he's a real nice fella. Came too early to meet her kids, but she was pregnant at the time." Steve's face seems to light up a little talking about them. "I went to visit a friend, Buck, and I came right back. I guess that's why I was a little later than I should've been."

 

"Then what was all that this morning? Settling down, getting that life Tony told you to get?" Bucky's voice is a little too harsh, a little too loud. He sees Sam drag Bruce further away from them and sends thanks to the God he definitely doesn't believe in anymore for Sam Wilson's tact. 

 

"Why would I do that back there? The 1950s kinda sucked, yunno." 

 

"You loved her." Bucky snaps. "You loved her back then and you love her now." The tears are still building up and he tries his hardest to shove them back down. The look on Steve's face isn't helping, so he resolutely stares at a tree. 

 

"I did. I loved her. I loved her an awful lot back then, and a part of me still loves her. If we had lived through the war, if we got to go home, I would've been a very happy man with Peggy Carter. We probably could've settled down in Brooklyn somewhere, gotten married, had a couple of little ones, and lived out the rest of our days not knowing aliens exist." 

 

"You could've done that. You had the chance to go back." 

 

"But I don't  _want_ to anymore. Bucky. Look at me." Bucky does, because he's weak and he's especially weak for Steve Rogers. Steve places a warm hand on Bucky's shoulder, and Bucky moves his own to cover it up, to keep it there. 

 

"I let go of that life a long time ago. It's been 11 years since I thought I had a chance with Peggy Carter, and yeah, maybe when I first came out of the ice I would've given anything to go back, but not anymore. I have you back. I have Sam, Wanda, Bruce, Clint, Thor, Scott, Pepper and Morgan, Peter, T'Challa and Shuri, Carol, I have  _so many people_. I love them all, and I wouldn't give this family up for the world. I don't belong back there, not anymore. I don't feel like the man out of time anymore. Not with all of you. Not with  _you._ " Steve slides his hand from Bucky shoulder up to the back of his neck. Bucky moves his hand to Steve's forearm, unconsciously rubbing little circles with his thumb. "Plus, you know, Netflix and stuff. Civil rights are pretty neat too." 

 

Bucky huffs a little laugh. The churning in his gut has settled down, but there's still one thing unsettling him a little. 

 

"What about the other thing you said? The 'love of your life' thing?" Steve's intense staring falters a little. His eyes dart around Bucky's face nervously. Eventually, he seems to decide on something and takes a deep breath. 

 

"Well how could I have been with the love of my life back there when you're here?" 

 

What. 

 

"What." Bucky feels... well he's not quite sure what he feels. It's kind of like his body has been filled with ice and set on fire at the same time. He's not sure he heard properly. "Steve, what?" 

 

"Hold on, let me... just let me talk for a sec." Steve tightens his grip on Bucky's neck just slightly, making sure Bucky doesn't go anywhere. "Bucky, I would love to say that I don't know who I would be without you but that would be a lie. I  _have_ been without you, far too many times and for far too long. I never want that to happen again." He takes another deep breath. "I love you. I love you so much it's scary to me sometimes. I think I've loved you forever. I want to grow old with you. I want to make you happy, and I want to make sure you're never hurt ever again." 

 

Bucky's definitely crying now. 

 

"I loved Peggy. I do still love her, honestly. But  _you,_ Bucky? There aren't any words for how I feel about you. I'm not complete without you. When I say the love of my life, I absolutely mean you. You're everything to me. You're my best friend." 

 

Bucky has waited almost 100 years for this. He has pined, cried, pretended to get over it, and fallen again so many times he's lost count. He loves Steve, loves him with such intensity it can be hard to make sense of it. So he does the only logical thing to do when the man you've loved since you were 15 says he loves you back. He kisses Steve.

 

It's a little too hard at first, with all the tension from the dramatic love confessions, but after a second of shocked stillness, Steve responds and their lips soften together. Bucky feels like he's on fire. For once in his way too long life, he feels settled. He's exactly where he's supposed to be. 

 

He pulls back before it can get any deeper, because he has something very important to say. 

 

"I love you too, you idiot." Bucky's crying, Steve's crying, their both laughing a little and it's messy and wet when they move back together, but it's  _them_ and it's  _perfect_.

 

After a minute or two, Steve pulls back with another peck to Bucky's mouth. 

 

"I love you, jerk." Another kiss."So much." 

 

"I love you too, punk." Bucky's smiling so big it hurts, but he feels no need to stop. 

 

"So, whaddya say? Wanna maybe go on a date sometime?" Steve's grinning too, and now they're both grinning at each other like idiots, pressed up close together, but neither of them want to let go. Never again. 

 

Bucky laughs again. "Sure, Rogers. But I expect you to be pulling out all the stops. I want flowers, candlelit dinner, I want the works." Steve presses a kiss to Bucky's cheek noisily.

 

"For you, Bucky? Anything." 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's a wrap, folks! I know, I know, there's a lot of pics exactly like this one, but I can't help it. 
> 
> It's been a long time since I've written anything, so I'm pretty rusty. Might start getting back into this, though. 
> 
> The ending for Endgame left me upset for many reasons, and honestly, Stucky wasn't one of them. I felt like it was out of character for Steve, disrespectful to both Steve and Peggy's arcs, and just all round a little forced. 
> 
> I love Peggy to death, and I can't forget that Steve did too. 
> 
> Peggy was reduced to a love interest, and after all the development she went through in Agent Carter, I was pretty mad about it. Peggy moved on! It was heartbreaking but beautiful! She deserved better.
> 
> So did Steve. 
> 
> And Bucky. 
> 
> Anyway! That's all for now. I know its not the best work, but leave me a Kudos if you enjoyed it, and comment your opinions on the ending. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
